Story/Freaky Pandemic/E1-4 (Part2)/Script

[...In the S.F. base.]

Alchemist: (Panting)... I guess...this dummy body just isn't good enough, huh?

[Kneeling on the ground, Spitfire has the muzzle of her gun pointed between Alchemist's eyes. ]
[Alchemist's platinum hair is a mess, but she's still smiling as smugly as when she was standing in front of the bunker.]

Spitfire: Now then...it's over you.

[...]

[Beep—!]

P90: Ahem... Uh, I have an emergency announcement to make!

[...]

[Just as Spitfire's finger is about to reach the break pressure of her gun's trigger, the call that suddenly comes through startles all the Dolls present.]
[The image that appears shows P90 carrying P7 like a kitten.]

P90: The transmission should have gotten through, right? Then I'll let you explain everything, P7—

P7: Put me down first!
(Cough)... In short, this disease thing, uhm...it was all a misunderstanding!

[The Dolls in the S.F. base freeze for a moment. Spitfire then lowers her gun and exchanges a blank look with Welrod.]
[Alchemist, on the other hand, can no longer contain herself and laughs out loud.]

P7: So, um, this morning, I had my Dinergates steal one of Miss Kalin's makeup kits so I could draw some spots on Super SASS's body and make her look like a zombie...
I'll have you know my plan was perfect! I learned several days in advance that Miss Kalin would be out today, and that she'd put on makeup prior to leaving!
As it turned out, the heavens were on my side, because she left that makeup kit with its ridiculous colors sitting right there on her table, although I still could have gotten it even if she did lock it inside her cabinet!
And then, I mobilized my Dinergate army to go smear the makeup inside Super SASS's clothes and face towel while she wasn't looking! I thought that even if it doesn't get on her body, it'd get on her face, at least! Man, it was really scary. I almost ran into TAC-50!
But how was I supposed to know that SASS wouldn't wear her normal outfit today, but her Halloween costume! She actually dressed up so well for a mission yet she wouldn't even wash her face! Hmph!

Spitfire: Get to the point, P7!

P7: Okay, okay, I'm getting there!
The point is I was totally disappointed that Super SASS went out for a mission and I accidentally rubbed against the makeup and I couldn't wash it off so I threw the kit away—

[Bang! Spitfire shoots at the ground.]
P7 shrinks away on the hologram display and P90 takes the communicator.

P90: Uh, I think I'll explain the rest...

[P90 takes a deep breath.]

P90: So I saw P7 giving her Dinergates the orders, but I didn't see what happened with SASS...
So, um, later on while I was on sentry duty, I got so bored that when I was changing posts, I copied what P7 was doing and had some drones pick up the makeup kit and gave the same orders to the drones...
I have to say, P7 really messed up the makeup kit, so I tried to sort it out in a corner somewhere. I finished writing up the order after a lot of work and had the drones carry bits of makeup.
I even mapped out their routes! That would allow the drones to cover the entire base, and if they spotted a target they would swoop down to scatter makeup on them! Hehe, I'm sure P7 could never have thought of such a cunning plan—

Spitfire: And. Then?

P90: A-A-A-And then! And then I ended up with Welrod, and because I started copying Welrod, I...I forgot about those drones...

[P90's voice trails off, and her eyes seem to be unfocused and darting around.]
[The only sound in the S.F. base, apart from Alchemist's exhausted laughter, is the quiet electrical hum of their communicators.]
[Welrod and Spitfire look at each other, suddenly unsure of what to say.]

Spitfire: In other words...there is no epidemic in the base, big sis 75 isn't sick, and all of this happened because of...Miss Kalin's makeup?

P90: Yes...that's correct...

[P90's voice is barely audible.]

Spitfire: ...P7, P90... You two...

P7: Uuu... We're sorry... Big sis Spitfire, I can hear you cracking your knuckles from over there...

[Silence washes over the S.F. base once again. At this point, even Alchemist has shut up to listen with a look of interest on her face.]

P7: P90, didn't you say it would be safer if we came clean...

P90: You went into way too much detail...

P7: I thought our punishment would be lighter that way...

P90: I didn't expect Spitfire to get this angry...

Spitfire: ...Do the two of you really think I can't see what you're saying just because you reduced your font size?

P90: We're sorry we're sorry we're really really sorry...!

Alchemist: Well, since that's the end of your ridiculous antics, perhaps it's time for me to take my leave—

[Welrod pins Alchemist down as she tries to get up.]

Welrod MkⅡ: Although it is true that Alchemist is innocent regarding this incident...
Her name is still "Alchemist", and there is no telling what other kind of contagion she could spread next time.
Shall we...take her alive back to the base for research?

Spitfire: I have no problem with that.

P90: I'm not opposed to it...

P7:Research? Sure, sure—

Spitfire: However, when we get back...I want to make a condition for the both of you, P7, P90.

[...]
[Halloween. Late at night.]
[Inside the Griffin base.]

[A thread on the message board has gotten a massive surge of replies in a short period of time. Unsurprisingly, the thread is created by MDR.]

MDR: "Hehe, come see the exclusive pictures personally taken by everyone's favorite, MDR! I got this shot by accident while I was sending my drones out to collect intel in the evening. Remember to comment, subscribe, and smash that like button!"
"Did something happen between them this Halloween? MDR will investigate in person after this! Ahhh stop cutting in between my posts—"

[...]
[The slightly blurry picture in the post depicts five distinct smiling faces.]
[—Of course, Alchemist is still wearing her usual mocking smile, which somewhat annoys Spitfire who's beside her, but it only serves to make MDR's post that much more popular.]

Just A Hero Passing By: "I'm so moved by the Secret Special Search Team. They protected the people important to them..."

Cola is the Strongest: "P7 is such a dork, she messed up right from the start with her dumb prank ahahaha"

Do Dolls Eat Electric Pig?: "To think they'd cause such a big fiasco! I almost thought I wouldn't be able to make it until sifu comes back from her mission..."

Miss Tarot: "Huh, I wonder what we can do with Alchemist. It would be nice if she could help me with my fortune-telling..."

Low-key Fairy King: "Hehe, an alchemist, huh? Alchemist is perfect! Just the one I need to enrich my vaults—"

[...Midnight.]
[In the secret room of the command center.]

Commander: Is anybody out there? Will someone PLEASE let me out? It's past midnight already! It isn't even Halloween anymore!

Architect: This secret room really lives up to its name, hehe... You can scream until you go hoarse but nobody will hear you.

Commander: You speak like you own the place.

Architect: Because today was very amusing! And besides, nobody's come to lock me back up. Ah, freedom is bliss—

Commander: So you're not disappointed?

Architect: Hm? I have no idea what you're talking about.

Commander: You must feel upset that you didn't achieve your objective, right?

Architect: Hehe, I don't really hold grudges... And besides, it's fun to play around like this from time to time.
You, on the other hand, will probably have to wait until the celebration is over before someone remembers that you're locked up in here.

Commander: Damn...how troublesome it is to not have comms access...
Hey, tell you what, get someone to come rescue me. I'll make sure to have Kalina pay you back after I get out!

Architect: Heehee...in that case, you'll owe me one, Commander of Griffin♪